Mississippi State Senator Bradford Blackmon has introduced legislation that would criminalize masturbation unless the release of said genetic material is specifically intended to fertilize an egg to create a human child. Penalties for illegally spilling your seed will range from $1,000 for first-time offenders to $10,000 for repeated violations

This would ensure that a particularly lonely night for the average teenage boy could end up costing them a few college semesters. The bill includes exceptions for sperm donation.

The whole thing is, of course, a joke. Although you are forgiven for believing it’s real given the current state of conservative mass hysteria. Senator Bradford Blackmon is a Democrat who, according to a press release he shared on Instagram, confirmed that the bill was written in response to the Republican obsession with policing what women can and cannot do with their bodies

His goal was to shift the scrutiny from women to men who dare to selfishly waste their precious genes via masturbation when it could be making a baby so God can be happy.

MISSISSIPPI STATE SENATOR INTRODUCES JOKE BILL THAT CRIMINALIZES MASTURBATION

Supreme Court overturning of Roe V Wade has led to several states enacting near-total abortion bans, including Mississippi. Though, ironically, and not surprisingly, more infants have died in a post-Roe V. Wade America than they did when it was the law of the land

Blackmon is rightfully sick and tired of the reproductive rights debate falling squarely on the shoulders of women when men also play a mighty large role in the fertilization of an egg. They are half the equation, after all, so why not some laws governing what men can and cannot do with their bodies? If women can be penalized for making a personal decision about whether or not they want to carry a baby inside of their body that they’ll have to raise for 18+ years, shouldn’t men have to face some kind of consequence too?

Or can they just get off scot-free, impregnating whoever they want whenever they want on their terms, the woman’s thoughts, feelings, and humanity be damned? Mississippi is one of 12 states with near-total abortion bans.

The bill is a symbolic gesture that will likely not pass in Mississippi’s Republican-dominated political landscape filled with men and women who don’t believe women should have a say in what happens to their bodies but fully believe a dude can jizz with impunity. It’s safe to say none of these Republicans will be swayed by the gesture.